sexuality

I wish I had a trusted older friend like Beth when I was dealing with sexual identity issues. Maybe then I wouldn’t have spent my first five years out of the closet in a different kind of closet — you know, the one that many lesbians (used to) force bisexual women into?

Still, I’m glad Beth Ditto’s around to give such excellent advice to a gay youth who doesn’t feel he fits in:

“I came out officially at 18 and I am still trying to find words to describe my own personal sexual identity. For a very long time I abandoned the word lesbian altogether, because it had such bad associations for me. I am just now beginning, after a long soul search, to feel at home with the word . . . (b)ecause I didn’t have any queer, lesbian, female role models I hated my own femininity and had to look deep within myself to create an identity that worked for me. Pop culture just doesn’t hand us enough variety to choose from.

I hate to say it, but at this point not being accepted is a rite of passage for people like us, and we have to endure. What’s important is that we try to understand each other. We have no control over other people’s response to us, but we do have control over ourselves. I advise you to spend time thinking about yourself and coming into your own identity. If you have to make up a word that feels good to use, go right ahead and do it. Take time to focus on what you need from your surroundings and what kind of people you want to be around. Don’t worry about explaining your ideas and identity to anyone else until you feel ready. And don’t worry if other people agree or not. At the end of the day, remember that bright, campy, tacky, gay rainbow, no matter how silly it may seem, and say to yourself,

I am my own and that’s all that matters. Take care of yourself, listen to a lot of Smiths and Lesley Gore, and good luck!

It’s been a sexuality/gender kind of day…

• A Modest Proposal: The Thorny Issue of Sexual Consent: PortlyDyke clears it up for those of us who can’t seem to understand that even if you’ve been having sex with someone for a dog’s age, it’s still good practice (and good manners) to ask them if they’d like to have sex with you.
• In Praise of the Male Form: Why don’t we see more male nudes in media that is geared toward hetero- and bisexual women (and I’m sorry, Playgirl doesn’t count)?
• Take It Off, Baby: I’ve been to my fair share of queer-friendly, sex-positive, burlesque shows with women of all different shapes, sizes, and ethnicities but I’ve also wondered why the performances seem so similar to those that are tailored for the heterosexual male gaze? Even when both peformers are lesbians, there is still the dynamic of the actor/acted-upon, with the more masculine-identified character taking a more passive role.