I’m reading The Magician King by Lev Grossman right now and enjoying it, though less than The Magicians. I came across this quote last night before settling in to sleep:
“That was the thing about the world: it wasn’t that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn’t expect.”
Ella is still with me for now. Giving her another chance seems like the right thing to do at this moment. It may turn out that I’m not what she needs, and if that’s the case I will have to learn to accept it, as hard as it may be.
I’m setting a rigid timeline, and I’m going to be introducing more structure into her life. If I don’t see real improvement, I’ll have to let her go and accept that this is not what I expected, and I am not a bad person for doing what is best for us both.
But I’m not ready to throw in the towel. Not yet. I want to fight for this little being. I want to fight for us both.
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